Revision Skills

In this revision assignment I chose my first thesis paper about Identity. This was the first thesis paper that I had ever written; I had a few mistakes which included the following: I didn't include a title on the paper, the MLA format was incorrect. There were several sentences that did not support the thesis, “Firefighters are alpha male or female their career changes their identity” example: Firefighters are seen as strong, courageous and tough. They are clean cut and their bodies are in good physical shape. When they are out in the public they are always dressed in their firefighter gear or wearing their duty uniform. They are identified by a name tag that they wear on their uniforms that includes their rank and last name. When the public sees them in uniform they address them as Firefighter Nelson, Chief Olson. They have lost a part of their identity, their first name. The department creates business cards that state our name and rank and how to contact us. These cards are a type of Identification that we hand out to the public. Sometimes people associate us for what we did for them such as; you’re the firefighter that helped my grandmother or you’re the firefighter that visited my school. This paragraph didn’t support the idea of firefighters’ are alpha male or female nor does it support how the career changes their identity. I used the word “you” though out the paper. One should not use "you" to address no one in particular. Finally, I did not list my sources at the end of my paper.

This paper was challenging for me but I learned from my mistakes and made improvements after each writing assignment.